yes, no, maybe

I have about three different blog post running through my mind right now, so if you want to stay with me through my ramble, you are more then welcome!

I'll start with the latest thought, it came to be last night at our youth groups worship service called "the presence" its just a night filled with worship and that's basically it! Well last night theme was Fill in the: ______
At the end of the night they asked everyone to grab a piece a paper and write what God told them that night. Me being me made the excuse that I had to go get the twins out of the nursery so I couldn't get a piece of paper and pray with two other people.... the truth is, I really had to get the twins! :)

Anyways, as I was worshiping I noticed that I could "feel" God in the room but at the same time I couldn't "feel" God in me. One of the strangest things I think I have experienced in my life. Then I felt like he was talking to me, but we all have those moments of "no that was just me" you know??
Well I felt like he was saying that "I would have to fight for this". As that was runing through my head for the most of the service, I wasn't sure what he was trying to say by that, "I have to fight for this." Then they started to sing "You wont Relent" by Jesus Culture. I have never liked this song, for some reason I had judge it before I had even heard it all the way through, and its repeats a lot and I don't like that!

Go here to watch it I cant find out a way to upload it yet:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74JgXohEcco

Basically the song is about not to stop living until Jesus as all of us. But the part that got to me the most was the: "Come be the fire inside of me, come be the flame upon my heart, Come be the fire inside of me, until You and I are one."

How I long for the fire of Jesus to come in and take over my heart, until him and I are one! I guess I cant stop fighting.

The next thing I felt like he said to me was...."you are going to have victory" now victory is something that I have always felt like God was going to give me. Its also something I never wanted to fight for. Now putting these two words together, I need to start fighting for Jesus. I need to start pushing things that get in my way of Jesus out and fight to spend time with him and fight to reach for him and fight to feel him in my life....until the the day I stand before him!

Lastly, its a choice. I have to choose if I am going to get up and fight or not.