he loves

im standing in awe of jesus right now. he has been so faithful in the times we may not want to be faithful back.

one important thing that i believe god has been teaching me over these last couple days is that he love ME!

i know, i know you read this and go duh, katy!

well sometimes we can hear things over and over again and never understand til one day the light come on and we go 'oh i get it'

he been showing me that he STILL loves me through the sticky stuff, that he still wants to USE me even in the moments i dont think he can. he told me tonight at the presence that tonight wasn't about me, that he was going to use me tonight and i just needed to worship him.

we had two alter calls and on the first one they ask all the leaders to come down and pray, I stop for a moment as i watched other leaders head down to the altar and i thought to myself, 'oh i cant do that!' then i heard a voice saying 'i am going to use you!'

so i went. i dont know if the words i prayed were the right ones or if the person i prayed for was changed, but i know i was. i know that god was teaching me that in the moment of my weakness he is strong.

i know that god loves ME even in the sticky stuff, and when i go before him in weakness he is going to be strong.

i pray has i go through this week i will let him love me, i will let him show me how even in the sticky stuff he can and will use me!

Freedom is?

Freedom is?

When you think about freedom, what picture comes to mind? Do you picture chains breaking, walls crumbing and someone breaking through? Or is it the the quietness of standing before the ocean on a sunny day with the wind blowing through your hair? Have you ever thought that your view on freedom was different from what freedom really is?

Walking through life I don't believe I have ever felt “free” from anything. Everyday I am faced with temptation. There are issues in my life where I would think that I was free from, but then deal with the temptation the next week or month and falling back into that sin again. Was I truly free?

On this quest for freedom, I want to know what the true meaning for freedom is! Does it mean that everyday I will face the temptation, but gain freedom when I choice to not give in to temptation that day? Or does freedom mean I never have to deal with sins that I once dealt with?

The Bible promise us freedom, “For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17 if there is freedom in the Lord then the answer should be simple. As long as we are in the Lord we should be free, right? That leads us to the next question, how do we stay in a consent relationship with God enough to keep us free?

What is freedom?

i stand amazed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz7GiVGTIcM

here is a youtube video that has become the theme of my life over the last day or so...here are the words, Ill write more about it later:

Lyrics to I Stand Amazed :

I bring You my heart

I bring You my praise

I bring You my broken dreams

I’ve lost along the way

I lift up my voice

I lift up my hands

I lift up the moments in my life

That I don’t understand

And I lay it at the cross

Where I’m surrounded by Your grace

And I marvel at the wonder of Your love

I stand amazed

I stand in awe

I stand forgiven in the midst of it all

Before You I bow

Before You I fall

Blessed Redeemer, Sweet Savior of all

I stand amazed

I offer You thanks

I offer my life

I offer a sacrifice of praise

When I’m scattered by the night

For You are my shelter

You are my King

You are the risen Son of God

The Lord of everything

Now I’m standing at the cross

Where I’m surrounded by Your grace

And I marvel at the wonder of Your love

There is life in His body

There is grace in His blood

There is peace for the sinner

Given by God’s grace

obstacles

yesterday i was at church, i was trying to short out my schedule to tell people where i could help where. well in the time i got a chance to talk to our youth secretary, Rose. now i love Rose and her husband Sam. they are the most Godly people i know. they love Jesus and they love people. they are also the people i know would be there if i needed anything!

Anyways on to why I have a picture of a fridge. I was talking with her and she got this picture of a fridge standing in fount of me. that it looks like an obstacles in the way, but once you open it and look inside it is filled with fruits,veggies, and meats. and that God wants to fill me up with all the goodness or him and draw me closer to him, and then once I am filled I am able to move on.

this came at such a good time in my life.

Im going to go into honesty world with you all. Over these last couple of weeks, I basically looked God in the face and told him "no, he wasnt big enough" Today I was suppose to be on my way to Colorado Springs to the YWAM base. Everything this summer and every prayer pointed to Colorado. Every detail you could think of was there. The one problem was money. I didnt have any for a plane ticket and I didnt trust that God could give me one before today. So I said no to Colorado and decided to stay home and work.

So now what? I learn that God is a God of redeeming. That while I am here, God can still do a work in my heart. He can fill me up with the things of him and then I can move on, move forward. Life is a process.

a little story

so i happen to be staying with a friend (well really she was my outreach leader for my DTS, but now she is a friend) and her husband who are living in a flat in the Red Light District of Amsterdam. They have a heart for the broken in this area.

well this church just happens to be the view outside my window. so i asked them about it.

just so happens this is the first church ever to be in Amsterdam. the interesting thing about this story is this.
way back in the day this was also the center of the trading routes. you get get sailors that would come and go from this place often. you also got a lot of the women and girls being raped because of the sailors. well they had this idea to create a place (the red light area) for when the sailors came they could just go there and none of the women in the church would be hurt anymore...its gets more interesting...back then that church had authority over ideas and everything had to be passed through them. WELL they thought it would be a good idea, because then none of the women in the church would be used in that way again......well good idea gone bad...no there is a semicircle around the church of windows where ladies are selling themselves and sex trafficking and other unspeakable things are going on 24/7
Amazing what happens when a church isnt following Jesus!

tabernacle

do you know how much work it took to build the tabernacle and then it was movable! it blows my mind how much work when into it and how exact it needs to be!

the definition for tabernacle is: any place or house of worship, a dwelling place
(thanks to dictionary.com!)

here at ywam amsterdam there is a place in the red light area called the "tabernacle" you know what its use is?
prayer and worship....all day long! Its peoples "job" here to just go to the tabernacle and just pray and worship!

they have it in dutch, english, videos with worship music, reading of the word, praying for the area, for different events, prayer and worship

I stand amazed of that place. think about how much spiritual warfare is being done!
I for one need to pray more. I know for me its one of the hardest things for me to do. Its hard for me to believe sometimes that God really does want to hear about everything, even though he already knows what is going on.

Anyways, how amazing would it be to have a place like this were people can come together and just pray and worship for two hours a day (or however long they would like)

Anyways, just some random thoughts on that.

Im in Amsterdam til Tuesday then flying back home...its going to be strange being home again!

Lawrence Family

"They might not need me - Yet, theymight. I'll let my
heart be just in slight. A word from me

- a smile maybe, precisely their necessity"
- Quote from my Great-Grand Mother

left to right: Gordon, Hazel, Christina, Ruth, Katy

its been amazing staying with my uncle here in England for most of the summer. there is

a lot about my Dad side of the family that I have been learning about. i mean sure i might have learn about some of this before, but didnt care at the time. now its like a history book!

left to right Christina, Hazel, Gordon, Ruth, Katy

i have learned about a bombing that had happen when my uncle was a small boy, that caved in the roof of their house. the roof landing on the bed my granny normal sleeps in, but was told by her mother that she should sleep downstairs under these mental tables they gave out by then for people to sleep under. so one night my granny listened to her mother and went and slept under the table. that night the bombing happened.
just little stories like that one makes history more real to me. i hated sitting in a class room trying to read out of a book what happen. i like to know personal stories!

my sister and i also got a chance to listen to a tape that my granny record for my uncle and her wife. it was strange to hear her voice. but it is something i would like to do for my kids one day!

picniking

here are some photos I was playing around with on picnik.com:

fear

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared. ~Edward Vernon Rickenbacker

There have been times in my life where I have had to look fear in the face and not let it hold me back! One of my biggest fears is heights! I hate being up high and the thought of fall always runs through my mind.
Sense being in Switzerland I have done two things (in one day) that I swore I would never do in my lifetime. I had to do them. The thought was if I never do it now I wont do it at all.

So, I Katherine Joy Lawrence...got over my fear (shorta) and went ......
Para-gliding!

the guy said to me when we got to the ground "you seemed less scared when we got away from the trees and rocks!" well "duh!, I wonder why!"

The next thing I did that day was,Via Ferrata (http://www.mountainhostel.com/climbing.htm)

I believe I was high off of paragling otherwise I wouldnt do this!

this was just after a part where when you look down...all you see is a parking lot! Scary! There was one point where I had to stop and my leg was shaking uncontrollably!

The next scary part was this...

it looks easy, but it swings! Scary moments!

I am very glad I did both of these things..but honestly..dont think I will do it again!

night life

when i was in Paris i was floored by the night life! We went on a night boat cruise so we would be able to see the Effel Tower all lite up at night time and all along the river were people!
Just hanging out! Dancing, laughing, talking, drinking, and so much more!
I would love to have something like this back at home! Where people come and hangout have a blast and hangout til the wee hours of the morning!
Anyways, I was just amazed by it all!

country to city

i never knew how much of a country small town kindof girl I am until today. I am now up in London (until tomorrow that is). It hard sometimes to go from a town like this...

nice quite town, where when you walk to to the store you are most likely going to run into someone you know...to a place like this....

loud, unground, running into people, fast pace lifestyle!
i almost felt like i had culture shock! Scary huh, since I am traveling to Paris tomorrow!

Speaking of Paris, yes that is where I will be come Monday morning! I am very excited due to the fact that it is one city I have always wanted to travel to! After spending a few days there I will be then going to Switzerland. After that coming back to England and off to Amsterdam on the 12th of August.

I am very blessed to be able to travel.

Cornwall

Tavistock

you doing alright?

( this was taken inside a catherdal when i was in truro)

One of the great culture difference that I have noticed here that I cant seem to get over...at least not yet. You know when we see someone we say "hello, how are you?" and most of the time walk away before we ever hear an answer. Dont say you never done that. Anyways, over here they say "you alright?" it throws me off a little. We only ask someone if they are all right if they dont look okay or if we know something has happened. So every time I hear "you alright?" I want to answer back "do I not look ok?" its a funny but small culture different. Im sure I will have more to come!

Langley Bethany Farrar

this little buddle of joy was born last night at about 10:40pm (england time)
i got the honor to stay with their older daughter Reese while Mamma was pushing a way!
mom did a home birth here in England with no trouble at all. the midwife says the only thing that could have been a issue was that the baby came out face up. even with that things ran smoothly

mom and baby are both well not just resting! ah, life is good!

Tavistock

well i made it! after hours of flying and some more hours on a train, I made it to Tavistock! It has been very nice to have a relaxing time with Dave and Heather. Today we had a pinic lunch on the grass of this church.

its so nice to be here! Tomorrow it should hit around 70 degrees! :-)

she made me cry

Tomorrow is the day!
Tomorrow is the day I start something new in my life and I finally take hold of what Jesus has given me to grab on to!
BUT
Before I do that, Emily wrote a blog about me and totally made me cry like a baby. So its mine turn!

One of my earliest memories of Emily is when I was in middle school. Sitting in her room with another gal my age asking Emily all these questions (she was dating Ryan at the time) about dating and relationship. I sat there quietly and saw something different in this gal (Emily), someone I could trust.

Now in Emily blogs she writes about how she was frustrated with me when we first meet because she saw that I wasnt living victoriously (http://considering-it-pure-joy.blogspot.com/2010/06/tribute.html you can read her post here)

I dont blame her! :)

But she was always there. Ups and Downs. Good and Bad times.

I remember times in high school where she saved my butt many times, I knew that I could call her in the middle of the night and she would be there (and she was more times then once!) She was someone that I could always look to and not have to cover anything up. I could be real.

I will always respect her and Ryan. I have seen them pick out the best in people and pull that out. They dont let a persons past define what God has for that person future. I have seen them make choices to love and show grace in areas other might not have. I have seen Jesus through them and in them.

I need to stop writing now, tears once again fill my eyes.

Dear Emily,
no words will ever be able to tell you how thankful I am for you. The fact that you trust me with you beautiful daughters and let me love them is big itself. I wouldnt want to trade one moment of this past year for anything. You have been a ear that listens in time of need. A friend to cry with, when things got hard. a best friend to laugh with, and so much more!

I will miss you. Evie and Ella also! (maybe Ryan!)

I love you.

You made me cry!

Youth With A Mission Colorado Springs

This fall I have an amazing chance to be apart of Youth With A Mission Colorado Springs base!
I will be apart of the School of Strategic Missions. It is a 12 week lecture phase, learning about Urban Ministry, Justice, Calling and Craft, Missions, Church Planting, Communications, Biblical Worldview, Launching New Ministries, Globalization, and Community Development.

Then there is a 12 week outreach phase were we take what we have learned and apply it out in the field. We work along side of contacts that we have in the 10/40 window!

I would need about $5,000 to cover cost of the lecture phase along with the outreach cost. Would you be willing to stand along side of my on the journey that the Lord has placed out for me?

Birthdays

Tomorrow the 25th of May, I will be turning 24 years old. I know people dont say that is old and I still have my whole life ahead of me, and I agree with them. At the same time I feel like a super old person who has gone no where in life! BUT we are not going to focus on that! I am also very blessed! Jesus has covered me with his blessings over the last few years and I am thankful!

I thought I would give you guys a peek into what the last three birthday have looked like! Enjoy!

23rd was a green themed birthday party, everything was green even the food! It was small with only some of my closest friends! it was sunny and prefect all around! Picture above is me with a slice of my cheesecake birthday cake, and below is what the dinner table looked like!

22 was spent up at a friends family cabin on camano island. It was filled with old friends and lots of laughing! picture up above is everyone doing the "katy" its the pose I would do all through highschool and below is my 'its a boy" cake! wouldnt have traded it for anything!

My 21st birthday was truely one I will never forget. At this time I was living on the Youth With a Mission base in Herrnhut, Germany. This day just so happened to be the first day of a conference called festival of the nations. So pretty much our base was PACKED out with people from ALL over the world! The picture above is me with my very good friend Johanna who had made me a cake and had everyone sing to me!

healing begins

I was listening to the radio the other day and this song came on:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88xHIwd4CWM

I listened and thought "wow thats a really good song" and then didnt think another thought. Today I went to the doctors office and driving home I heard this song again on the radio. This time I pulled over the car and started to listen to each of the words coming out of the speakers. What powerful words to be spoken into life. I needed this song. I need to know that the healing can start now, I dont have to wait for it, I dont have to search for it, I dont have to be in this darkness anymore.

Then I did more research on this song and found this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QF1X9VvQbD4

I hope you watch it before you keep reading! He got it right. We are more afraid to tell God about what we have done, then we are humans! Where did we lose the thought that our God is full of Grace!

Romans 6:14 (New International Version)
For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.

If I think about it more and more, why wouldnt I want to tell God first? Yes there is the James 5:15 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." Sometimes I think we focus on the "confess to one another" more then the "so that you may be healed"!

I want to be healed. I want the healing to start. I want the light to come into the dark places.

Im a sinner

I get jealous easy

I hide my anger

I compare myself to other

I have a lot of faults


....BUT

This is where the healing starts!

the four loves

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." ~CS Lewis, The Four Loves

summer loving

summer loving

summer sunsets

summer markets

summer baseball/ferry rides

summer boatrides

summer bondfires

summer adventures

one man's junk is another man's treasure

I went to the Mill Creek garage sale last Saturday with a good friend. I wasnt looking for anything specific and so it was just kindof fun riding along and see what everyone wants to get rid of. Its funny though at thing like this you get a small peek of what that persons world is like. There was a couple house that by just looking at what books they were selling you could tell that they were Christian to some extent or at least had that influence somewhere in their lives.
It was also funny to see how the people who were having the sale acted when we would approach their driveway. You would get the people that would just sit there and not say a word to you while you took the time to look at their stuff. Or you have the very outgoing people asking how you are and how your day is going! There was also one house where we saw no parents but three kids that I am pretty sure were under the age of 8! Its funny what people do sometimes!

Next time you go out and you see a sign that says yard sale, you should take a second and drive by to get a small peek of what kindof life those people have lived or are living!

good,bad,ugly

I'll admit that I am very nervous about every blog I write now. Oh well.

In watching the girls I have learned something that I think I can apply to my whole life. The girls very much like to get into things and to do things they may or may not know is wrong or right. I feel like all day I am saying "no Ella dont do that" or "Evie no throwing food" ect.
(picture stolen from Emily Brotherton)

I have also noticed that I hardly ever say "good job" or "thats awesome"

(lunch at applebees)

I noticed in my own life a lot lately ( and this isnt a bad thing) that I have had a few people be like "um katy why dont you think about it this way'" or "that was not the best way of thinking" ect.

I know for myself I tend to start walking a little bit more carefully and start to over analyze everything I do...but very rarely I ever hear after everything "hey you did a really good job" or "your acting better" ect.

(stolen from Ryan Brotherton facebook)

The bottom line to this blog is for me to improve the way I respond to the girls. To not always keep telling them "no" but to applause the good they do everyday also. Its hard sometimes
cause we being human beings always tend to look to the negative side and not the positive side.

Jesus would you help me to look for the "good" little things in life everyday. To help me understand and see people through your eyes!

quiet

Im a quiet person, most of you who know me are most likely laughing at that statement. I love to just sit and watch and take in the everything that is around me all the time! I think thats why I love to travel so much, is because I get a chance to sit in an airport and watch people live apart of their lives in fount of me!

Ella and I

Evie and I

two precious little girls I get to spend everyday with! Im pretty sure Ella was saying "no" when I took the picture! Gotta love them!
Random post I know!

no man land

Its hard sometimes to express how I feel without it coming out wrong or offending other people. Thats not my goal in writing a blog. Its not my goal to call everyone stupid and to make everyone think I am "right" and you should do everything my way. I know for sure I am far from prefect and need A LOT of work myself, and like I said in my last blog its a matter of crying out to Jesus and asking him to take these broken pieces and place them back together.

I made a blog one cause my fingers can almost type as fast as my brain is thinking and its just easier sometimes to type it out then write it out. Two because I will be traveling a lot this summer and thought it would be a good way to keep people updated on what I am doing in my life.
This is not a cry for help, or a please listen to me and only me. This is not a build me up to make myself feel better...This is only a place for people to understand that I dont have it all together. I mess up everyday trying to find Jesus and trying to live for him.
So, please just enjoy the journey along side of me! I would love to have you come for the ride!

yes, no, maybe

I have about three different blog post running through my mind right now, so if you want to stay with me through my ramble, you are more then welcome!

I'll start with the latest thought, it came to be last night at our youth groups worship service called "the presence" its just a night filled with worship and that's basically it! Well last night theme was Fill in the: ______
At the end of the night they asked everyone to grab a piece a paper and write what God told them that night. Me being me made the excuse that I had to go get the twins out of the nursery so I couldn't get a piece of paper and pray with two other people.... the truth is, I really had to get the twins! :)

Anyways, as I was worshiping I noticed that I could "feel" God in the room but at the same time I couldn't "feel" God in me. One of the strangest things I think I have experienced in my life. Then I felt like he was talking to me, but we all have those moments of "no that was just me" you know??
Well I felt like he was saying that "I would have to fight for this". As that was runing through my head for the most of the service, I wasn't sure what he was trying to say by that, "I have to fight for this." Then they started to sing "You wont Relent" by Jesus Culture. I have never liked this song, for some reason I had judge it before I had even heard it all the way through, and its repeats a lot and I don't like that!

Go here to watch it I cant find out a way to upload it yet:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74JgXohEcco

Basically the song is about not to stop living until Jesus as all of us. But the part that got to me the most was the: "Come be the fire inside of me, come be the flame upon my heart, Come be the fire inside of me, until You and I are one."

How I long for the fire of Jesus to come in and take over my heart, until him and I are one! I guess I cant stop fighting.

The next thing I felt like he said to me was...."you are going to have victory" now victory is something that I have always felt like God was going to give me. Its also something I never wanted to fight for. Now putting these two words together, I need to start fighting for Jesus. I need to start pushing things that get in my way of Jesus out and fight to spend time with him and fight to reach for him and fight to feel him in my life....until the the day I stand before him!

Lastly, its a choice. I have to choose if I am going to get up and fight or not.